:: Gay Dog Emporium

Cujo – Cujo is one of those angry pound your gay dog ass until you can't walk kind of Brutus maximus. Sure he was a gentleman at the bar, but once he brings you back to his dog igloo it's all business. He'll walk you in, shut the door, lock the deadbolt, turn slowly toward you and give you a sinister smile. Now you only have yourself to blame for being in this predicament, cause he doesn't care about you, you're just another notch in his sexual belt. Mirror Mirror on the wall why oh why did I trust Cujo and his beautiful brown eyes? And his promises of everlasting love, now I'm gonna get raped…That's what you'll be telling yourself.




Tramp – Tramp, from Lady and the Tramp is one of those old school type bears. You know the skinny one that might have AIDS with a cropped haircut, long earring and assless leather chaps. You think to yourself when you see him walking down the street, that's a pretty normal looking dog, aside from the assless chaps. Tramp has a booth at the Folsom St. Fair every year where you can pee into a funnel that goes into his butt for $5 (USD), gross.




White Fang – White Fang is a badass, the dog in obedience school that got all the bitches. He could shoot you a glare from across the dog library and fear would run down your spine. However, in the bedroom White Fang collapses and breaks down like a 70 pound girl after a Long Island Ice Tea. He lets terriers call the shots and they totally OWN him. His hard exterior is to make up for his soft interior, but don't tell anyone I said that, cause White Fang is out for blood when it comes to his enemies and Alaskan territory.




Spud Mackenzie – Spud Mackenzie is a total closet case. Since he was hocking Bud Light to bros and hicks he had to keep his shit on the DL. After being the poster dog for sports fanatics and tractor drivin' hicks Spud hit the scene hard. Miami Beach was his destination, and coconut oil flowed endlessly, like grunion running. Spud was totally down to 'party with Tina' and after an awful spring break experience reminiscent to the shower scene in Leaving Las Vegas when Elizabeth Shue is sitting on the bathroom floor and bleeding...He decided to turn his shattered life around. He now runs a grassroots campaign to eradicate crystal meth (Tina) from the community.




Buck Bundy - Buck has been in the gay scene long before gayness was invented by the Romans. He's not out there 'partying with Tina' and dancing with glow sticks in the clubs. He's a sit at home and drink port kinda gay dog. Not looking to get into the 'scene' Buck Bundy is the philanthropist type gay dog. An unassuming intellectual burning the midnight oil advancing his own personal knowledge, not the circumference of his butthole...with anal beads.




Air Bud 1 – Air Bud 1 was on top of the world around '97 when his movie was a box office smash. Riding around in limos with Jacuzzis in the back, boomerang antennas and neon lights he was living life in the fast lane, a German fast lane where there is no such thing as speed limits. But Air Bud went the way of Ernest, with a string of horrible follow ups to the original hit. Air Bud 7th Inning Fetch, Air Bud – Golden Receiver were modest hits. Air Bud started falling off his game when he was showing up to work in dark sunglasses to cover up his late night parties filled with cocaine lines off male French poodle assholes. He was quickly replaced by 5 other dogs waiting to play the part. He stormed off with an aura of confidence thinking that the world was his oyster, but the parts never came. He ended up having to make a porn remake of Air Bud Golden Receiver where he and the coach get it on like bulldogs in the nether realms of hell, a gay hell.



The entire cast of All Dogs Go to Heaven – Everyone knows the freakiest and largest community of homo dogs are in the Christian Coalition, hence every single dog that appeared in All Dogs Go to Heaven love suckin' snausage. Check out the glitter job on this hound, total flamer.





Hooch of Turner and Hooch fame – If you had to make a film opposite Tom Hanks you'd be gay too. Hooch is the gay dog that is on the outside of the community. He's too awkward when he goes to the clubs and can't immerse himself in the lifestyle because of his body issues. He's as ugly as a pissant, but ugly dogs need love too. You can find Hooch cruising shantytowns and underpasses looking to 'throw his bone' the way of a petite Korean Poong San.




Suri Irwin – What a sexually repressed beast. Having to travel the Outback with the insipid Steve and Terri Irwin Suri was really off his game. Suri was cut off from the big city glitz and glamour of Sydney, who have an amazing gay dog scene. Suri lost all confidence and inhibitions and started railing filth mongrel dingos and the pets of Aboriginal pygmies, quite the step down for a dog of such super star fame. Now with Steve out of the picture, and travel at a stand still, Suri has returned to sexually accosting the upper crust of Australia's favorite port city.

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