:: Myspace Relationship Status Quo
Breakdown for guy vs. girl Myspace Relationship Status Settings. You know it's the first thing you check when you're 'on the prowl' checking out hotties. So here's a little checklist that you should reference next time you're lurking on 'The Space'. First we will examine the ladies, then the chaise loungin' men.
Women:
Swinger
On the top of the list we have 'Swinger', girls who select 'Swinger' are total faggots. They think they are being funny and I hate to tell you this ladies…but the irony of selecting Swinger died a long time ago with chivalry. Oh wait there was no such thing, because the idea of chivalry was invented by some medieval magazine for women like Better Castles and Moats. Guys don't care about being nice to you. So go get a job where you will never be as productive and efficient as a man. And while you're busy convincing yourself your work isn't sub-par, Windex that glass ceiling, cause as close as you think you're getting to the top - only strong German women will succeed in the Corporate America.
In A Relationship
Hands off the merchandise, cause these broads are of no use to you dude…sorry, you can message them all you want, but when you check your sent folder and see they 'Read' your feeble attempt to hang out, because you both like Sonic Youth, three days ago she ain't gonna respond to your creepy advances. Move on to your next 'Browse' conquest within 5 or 10 miles of your area code for 'Swinger, Single and Divorced' women. You make me sick pervert. These girls are so ecstatic to change their status setting from Single to In A Relationship that they probably have some ritual, like throwing on a Joanna Newsom CD, diving into their bed adorned with fluffy pink pillows, and ultimately logging onto their unnecessarily souped up Powerbook they convinced their daddy to buy them for college. You only use it for logging onto Myspace and writing term papers, so why do you need 6,038,213 MB of RAM and 502,534 MB of Memory to run MS Word for Apple?
Single
Welcome to Narnia my friend, for we have hit Single lane. Be careful, for there are women who are 'Single' that you want to avoid:
The over 300 friends hot Single chick – watch out man, they're too hot for you anyways. Check their comments, if they have glittery roses and blinking text that say 'thanks for the add' or 'showin some love' from old/black/gangster ass/sunglassed (pronounced Sun-Glass-Id) dudes, move on. It's probably some guy in Nebromaha using a hot chick's photo to either jerk off to the messages or sell something.
The ambiguous photo Single chick – Is she hot? Fuck! I can't tell! If you have to ask your friends to check out some chick's photo to tell you if she's fat or ugly, just run away from her like a tranny in the TL at 3am…you'll thank me in the morning.
The Single chick here for dating/serious relationships – dude, come on, you really want a chick who is seeking out a date/serious relationship via Myspace? I guess if that's your cup of meat I don't want you reading my website, cause you should totally be on some Warcraft discussion board living in the basement of your parent's house.
The Single chick who is only here for 'networking' – this is a crock of shit if they bite. If you have any internet game and approach a girl on Myspace only looking to 'network' without the use of her mouth or vagina than she is more worthless than the jar of pennies I've been trying to fill for over 2 years, and it's a small jar. If you convince them to meet you for a drink, and is only on Myspace to 'network' than she's one step below the chick who is looking for dating/serious relationships.
Divorced
Alright, this chick has mental issues. If she's not actually 'Divorced' (which she isn't) she has attachment/relationship issues. Hey let me put my life on display and state that I'm so heartbroken that I want to tell strangers I have the ability to be emotionally crushed by my boyfriend of 3 months, so I'm totally Divorced now. Leave me alone and let me listen to my Cure records, they remind me of him, and I still sleep in his sweatshirt because I love the way it smells. I'm fragile, and if you want to spend lots of money on me for dinners, drinks and cabs I can tell you why he was my everything and at the same time why he was such an asshole. Excuse me, I'm going to go use the bathroom, aka use my phone to call Chris and tell him how him I am on a date with a new guy that's willing to spend some money on me and not camp out Friday night in front of the couch watching MXC on Spike TV.
Married
Married chick that is actually Married – All of her photos involve her wedding, no chance you're getting in there because she's a Married chick on myspace and her profile is not private. If she was a self-respecting human being she would show her husband a little respect and not be on myspace….So this is making me re-think my thought process…if this skank is willing to change her name but not give up Myspace than maybe you do have a chance man. Go for it and message her! Get all Mrs. Robinson on her ass and tell her how you can provide her with 11 minutes of magical fun in a Motel 6 off some random highway exit.
Married and not actually Married but in a serious committed relationship – All her photos show her and her 'Beau' eating ice cream on vacation or kissing in photobooths. The honeymoon isn't over man and there's no way she cares what sexual advances you throw at her. You have a better chance at beating Mike Tyson on the original Punchout than you do at meeting up with this chick in the fleshies at an Applebee's happy hour. |
Men
Oddball Single dudes here for Dating/Serious Relationships whose top friends are pornstars or bikini clad bitches - chances are they're Oldie Hawns. Are you kidding me with that default pic? You're at a GnR concert with the original line-up. And the last time GnR were awesome Axl didn't have braided hair, and Slash, Duff and Izzy were still in the band; not some weird dude in a yellow jumpsuit with a KFC bucket on his head trying to shred out Paradise City.
Alright, I'm tired of typing about the different types of Myspace creeps. Basically any dude on Myspace wants to fuck…except for me, I love you bebe, you're so pretty and you smell like roses eviscerating honey and cinnamon rolls.
As one last aside, I had my hot friend Andrea fwd me some creepy messages from guys, so for your viewing pleasure please enjoy the following men reaching out to a girl with boobs and a vagina:
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From: Blake
Date: Sep 6, 2006 9:12 AM
Hey Andrea,
How are you doing? There's something about you, so I wanted to say hi.
I like your style.
Peace,
Blaker b
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From: Furious D
Date: Jul 25, 2005 2:55 PM
Sure I don't know you and yes I'm wasting your time, but I've got nothing better to do and besides it's your own fucking fault what with those eyes.
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From: Ranmaru Kensington
Date: Aug 19, 2006 6:52 AM
hey.. i have the hots for you.. let's go out on a date...
kk?
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From: Azi
Date: Dec 23, 2005 1:04 PM
Imagine... we are all at a party... at Brian's house... and there is this interesting fellow... he's actually making a fool of himself... but he doesn't care... he's laughing and having a great time... then... he notices you... he slowly walks over to you... "we haven't met... yet... So how do YOU know Brian?" he asks.
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From: Kenny
Date: Mar 20, 2006 9:23 PM
Hey Now!
6'6 - Blonde hair, blue eyes, Mentally the most cool guy you might every meet =)
Wicked Cool Bud, always looks to mingle, meet and network with like minded buds...
Im the guy you talk to about anything - and I mean that...anything
The one person who can make ya feel pretty good on any given day - sort of a cross between Van Wilder and Ferris Bueller.......Make a note of that! =)
anyhoo..
If your drama free, enjoy life, living, fun, exploring, experimenting, getting a little crazy in a good way from time to time - or talking shop in general...then I'm your huckleberry ...
If you look forward to the future and what is has to offer - then your my type of person..
NOT GOOD >>>> if your lost, angry, confused, or need help...sorry - I've done enough mental service to last a lifetime.... 1000 pardons!
If you like to dance, mingle, laugh, have fun, and hang with someone who is a one of kind cool dude...let talk :D
I visit San Francisco for work atleast 1-2 weeks every month...so I love to mingle with cool peoples of the world ;) and Im a darn good mingler ;)
Anyways Im into so many projects life and fun things its hard to see the beginning or the end
What floats your boat? What do you like doing?
What makes you a happy camper?
These things - I want to know, if I may =)
If nothing else! - Have a nice flight in the meantime!
XO
My Pic
http://profiles.yahoo.com/atallbuddy
Yahoo: ATallBuddy@Yahoo.com
say hey sometime! because you can!